Pretend I Said It
by Loopy Darling
Summary: Sirius Black leaves behind a letter for Harry, this is what it says. Not your typical post-mortem ONE SHOT


Pretend I Said It  
By: Luxx  
Summary: Sirius Black leaves behind a letter for Harry, this is what it says. Not your typical post-mortem

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Sirius Black, James Potter, Lily Potter, Harry Potter, orRemus Lupin. I don't get paid for any of this, and am sure that JK Rowling would probably flame me if she ever saw it. Also, this whole plot idea was built upon one single line that may or may not be recognized by fans of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I will not tell you what it is, as it will give stuff away, but I don't own it either.

WARNING this letter was supposed to be written by a Sirius who did not beleive that this would be the end for him. It is not comedy, but it is not strictly whatmost would consider anappropriate after death communication. The light manner in which this is written may not sitright with everyone, butplease give it a chance. I was trying to write this from a different angle. This isa Sirius who does not really feel he will ever die leaving things unsaid. Please give this fic a chance before you allput on your arson hats and flame me to death.

Dear Harry,

Well, I really don't know what to say here... I suppose if I wanted to be an overdramatic git, I would start off with something like: "If you're reading this, it means I'm dead." Huh. It's really strange writing a letter to tell your loved one's everything you wanted to tell them in life and now that you're dead can't. I mean, I tell you about everything I want to tell you now, and writing anything in this letter feels so much like telling you anyway that if there were something to tell, I'd probably end up telling it.

I suppose I'm really bad at this whole being dead business aren't I? I bet Moony's letter is far better than mine, all full of deep meaningful thoughts and whatnot...

Maybe instead of a letter I should just give you a photo and be done with it huh?

It's really just that it's kind of impossible to imagine having to ever say good bye to you kid. I remember doing this the first time around, during the first war. I wrote you a letter then too you know. I wonder where that ever went? It was supposed to be given to you in the event of my death or capture, but then I guess that no one felt it would be appropriate given the nature of my arrest. I don't remember what it said anymore. I fear it was more sentimental than this letter is turning out to be though.

It was so different when you were a baby. I could write you a letter talking about how to grow up right and how I would hate to miss watching you. I could talk all mushy about the way you used to call me "Paff" because you couldn't pronounce Padfoot. I suppose you don't remember that though. Your father trained you to call me that. I trained you to call me daddy. Lily gave me a black eye. Those were the days. I suppose I can't get all sentimental anyway about not getting to watch you grow up because, I kind of already missed that didn't I?

Don't worry, this isn't about to become a pity ditty - I've been humming that tune for far too long now. I don't regret missing you grow up as much as I would miss knowing you now. It's like finding a son and a friend all at one time. I mean, you're a teenager and you don't hate or resent me... (I hope) so that must be a step above. I mean, I don't think you've ever felt the need to rebel against me, and that is just wonderful. I can barely raise myself let alone a rebellious teen. I honestly wouldn't know what to do... I'd probably just join you. We could give Remus a right scare. What do you say to a tattoo?

And here I am trying to make plans with you when I'm dead. Sorry, forgot.

I really don't think that this is the type of letter you need right now. Suppose you're greiving. It's very odd to think that when you get to see this for the first time you'll be mourning me. Please don't. Don't let me make you upset or sullen. Clinging to the past is a very addictive habit Harry. Wishing... well, I suppose this is an awful thing to say, but I feel you're old enough to hear it: wishing isn't worth it. I've spent years wishing, and it never comes true. Don't be afraid to want things, but forget wishes. If you want something, take action, and if you can't, let sleeping dogs lie.

I love you Harry. Not as the baby you were, or the son of my best friend, or even as James himself. I know you're not James. To be honest with you, I've been meaning to tell you that. In fact I've realized that the older you get the more become Lily - not that I'm about to mistake you for her. I may have heard some recent rumours about my sanity and you should know that it's fully intact at this point in time. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I love you Harry Potter as the introspective, quiet teen with the really bad hair. Don't ever change.

I suppose that this letter has really become more about myself than you hasn't it? I really should re-write it, but Dumbledore wants them today. The whole Order is writing out these sappy things just in case. I'll just give him this load of tripe and write a new one later and switch.

Just in case that doesn't work out though, I suppose I should find something deep and meaningful to say shouldn't I?

You know what, you're better than me at the inspirational speeches. Do me one last favour will you? Make up something brilliant and pretend I said it okay?

Love, Sirius

The End

Well, this is my first ever one-shot fic. How did you like it? Be honest now! Please review!


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